Love...

How many people can you honestly say know you on a deeper level then most of your other friends? I honestly have to say nobody I haven't truly opened up to anyone. I think the reason that I haven't opened up to anyone and left myself completely exposed is because the first person I opened up to couldn't keep a secret from anyone. so I withdrew myself and trusted nobody with my secrets. The last time that I revealed my secrets I was ripped away from those people and thrust back into an unknown place. These events left me emotionally drained and distraut. Again I withdrew and would not expose myself again because I knew that it was bound to happen again. As I observed my other friends I saw how they acted with their other friends and I saw a deeper level of connection that they had with each other. part of this was the history they had together from growing up with one another. I wanted that connection but I was held back by two fears one was once I open up to someone I would be taken away from them and be left alone again. my second fear was that if someone really got to know me they would reject me. the fear of being unlovable was tearing me apart. I am still getting to the point where I trust people with my secrets I also don't feel as if anyone is reaching out to me and to get to know me on a deeper level. I am also starting to understand how much god honestly loves me, because even though he knows all the crap that goes on in my life he still loves me for who I am and that will never change. I hope that I will overcome this fear and will be willing to leave myself completely exposed to someone else. Here is where I lay my heart out on the floor do with it what you will.

this is my 2 cents