Time is passion

This passion so evident at first dies away
Where does it go why does it disappear
How can I go on, where do I go from here
I see nothing but darkness what is happening to me
Life so bleak and distant

I want this feeling back it gives me a sense of relief and escape
From the trials of this life
You gave it to me its always at my fingertips but at times I don't accept it
I push it away and turn my back on you.

God help me!
God help me!
I have nowhere to go
I need you, I need you,

You don't forsake me your arms are open
You make this a life worth living
Your love like a cool refreshing spring.

God help me!
God help me!
I have found you
I need you, I need you

Your love so astounding constantly awe inspiring
An everlasting fire that inspires me
Gives me a passion that I long for
you give me a strength that is indescribable
A comfort impossible to comprehend.

I have always struggled with keeping a focus on God, whether it is reading my bible or praying consistently or I just make a series of bad choices. I have noticed like most people that after I come home from a camp or a particular lesson that has inspired me I will pick up these habits again. But over time they will die out because I will stay up too late and get too tired to stay awake and read or do a devotion fearing that I will fall asleep anyways while I am in the middle of praying. Why does a passion for god drift away why do I need to be reminded of his glory. I can see his glory everywhere and I will just pass it by as if everything is normal. WHY! who am I to act like I deserve this cause I don't, and I when I reflect on my actions I beat myself up for falling short of standards that I feel aren't really that hard to keep. But that's where I fall short, I turn these things like reading the bible and praying into standards that I should keep not because its good for me or brings me closer to God but because that's what makes me a "true christian". I don't understand why my mind goes to that thought process because I know and have been taught for years that we read the bible not because it is good for us or so we can share it but because it is God speaking to us.. The God who created every single thing on the earth, sky, oceans, and heavens, the man that can calm the seas with his voice, with the ability to raise the dead without even touching them, a sinless man that died for my sins and gave me the ability to share this gift with others. How can I sit back and take this thing passively. But there is always hope I can turn my views around and I can grow in my relationship with god for he does not forsake me but stands there with open arms waiting for me to come back home! Please leave a comment, and please pray for me.

This is my 2 cents

Lets see how shallow we can be...

My goal in life has never been to make so much money that I can retire before I hit 40 and have any material posession I want and I guess that's why this story makes me pretty upset. This morning before school I was hanging out with friends. We got on the ohh so wonderful "note sarcasm" conversaion on one of the jonas brothers getting married when one of the girls I was with mentioning that there were only two left that were good for the taking. The second girl interjected and said that really there was only one left because another girl she knew would kill her if she married the youngest. the first girl said oh I don't really care which I get I just want the money. As I was listening to this I was shocked that my friends were ok with the idea of being willing to spend the rest of their lives with someone that they didn't know based on the amount of money he had. I still respect the people who were a part of this conversation, but if I am right girls that date rich people for their money are refered to as gold diggers. The idea to date someone for one reason like money or looks blows my mind and frankly makes me sick. I don't care if you are just kidding its not something to joke about, because in the end you are taking away the value in that persons life and placing it into their ability to provide you with material posessions. This is probably the main reason I HATE high school because basically everyone there is trying to win the shallowest person of the year award. I am not blameless I know that I have my shallow moments too. But I was raised to put little value in material posessions and when I see my friends who I know were raised the same way it leaves me speachless.

this is my 2 cents

Respect...

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands: one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Recently Americans have been mourning the deaths of the 13 U.S. soldiers and the many others that were wounded. I have payed my respects to these soldiers by praying for their families and honoring their deaths by remembering them from day to day as well as saying the pledge of allegiance. I have noticed that for several years people do not say the pledge of allegiance and I am shocked that there are people that will not say the pledge for fear of being stared at or looked down upon for showing respect for something that is greater than themselves. Why has showing respect come to the point that it is looked down upon. The idea that people will not pay the respect that our flag deserves and what it stands for, as well the men and women who have sacrificed their lives, limbs, minds, brothers, sisters, fathers mothers, sons, and daughters and continue to fight for the ideals that America was founded on. How much effort does it really take to rest your hand over your heart and say a 31 word chant? Please ask yourselves these questions and answer them honestly and leave a comment with your answers.

This is my 2 cents

Love...

How many people can you honestly say know you on a deeper level then most of your other friends? I honestly have to say nobody I haven't truly opened up to anyone. I think the reason that I haven't opened up to anyone and left myself completely exposed is because the first person I opened up to couldn't keep a secret from anyone. so I withdrew myself and trusted nobody with my secrets. The last time that I revealed my secrets I was ripped away from those people and thrust back into an unknown place. These events left me emotionally drained and distraut. Again I withdrew and would not expose myself again because I knew that it was bound to happen again. As I observed my other friends I saw how they acted with their other friends and I saw a deeper level of connection that they had with each other. part of this was the history they had together from growing up with one another. I wanted that connection but I was held back by two fears one was once I open up to someone I would be taken away from them and be left alone again. my second fear was that if someone really got to know me they would reject me. the fear of being unlovable was tearing me apart. I am still getting to the point where I trust people with my secrets I also don't feel as if anyone is reaching out to me and to get to know me on a deeper level. I am also starting to understand how much god honestly loves me, because even though he knows all the crap that goes on in my life he still loves me for who I am and that will never change. I hope that I will overcome this fear and will be willing to leave myself completely exposed to someone else. Here is where I lay my heart out on the floor do with it what you will.

this is my 2 cents

Thoughts

As I look back on the past couple of weeks in my life I realize why the bible warns of the hardening of hearts. It is so fustrating as I look around and see how my heart has been hardened to what should bother me and what actually does... It is easy for me to point out the faults of others, but my own sins on the other hand it takes God to point it out to my own and that is when I break down. It rips me apart and I don't know how to stop it. It leaves me thinking where do I go from here I have tried to fix it and it doesn't seem to work. Brent said to us today during bible study for things to change your view of them. Tonight my views have changed my heart has been called back to where it was ment to be. Because I remember what it means to breathe yod hey vav hey that with every breathe I say gods name Yahweh. Tonight Brent gave our bible study the challenge to not only be good kids but to grow up in christ. He challenged us to see ourselves no longer as kids but as adults that have grown up in christ and to start that process. I want to begin that process today...

This is my 2 cents

Its official

Alright so last week was the introduction for the parents, the kids, and the leaders for Tuesday Nights and it went pretty well. This week was better we I was presently surprised about how well the 7th grade guys did with the discussion and the questions that Kyle, Trey, and I got. But the highlight of my week will be tomorrow with Ultimate Frisbee and Bible study tomorrow. I hope it all goes well and we have a good turn out. I haven't done anything all that athletic in a while so we will see how out of shape I am in. Good week so far lets see how the rest of it goes.

This is my 2 cents

Today...

Just wanted to share a couple of things I heard today that really got me thinking. So today I was watching Lie to Me on Fox and they started playing a song by Crowded House here it is

Lyrics to Four Seasons In One Day :
Four seasons in one day
Lying in the depths of your imagination
Worlds above and worlds below
Sun shines on the black clouds hanging over the domain

Even when you're feeling warm
The temperature could drop away
Like four seasons in one day

Smiling as the shit comes down
You can tell a man from what he has to say
Everything gets turned around
And I will risk my neck again, again

You can take me where you will
Up the creek and through the mill
Like all the things you can't explain
Four seasons in one day

Blood dries up like rain, like rain
Fills my cup, like four seasons in one day

Doesn't pay to make predictions
Sleeping on an un-made bed
Finding out wherever there is comfort there is pain
Only one step away, like four seasons in one day

Blood dries up like rain, like rain
Fills my cup, like four seasons in one day
[ Four Seasons In One Day Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

and I started thinking about how fast life goes by and how we shouldn't miss anything or let anything pass us by. I heard a saying that I really like "Pay attention cause you never know what is going to happen."

The second thing I saw was a bumper sticker that said

Dear, God

Why do you allow violence in our schools

Sincerely, Concerned Student

Dear, Concerned Student

I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely, God

This made me laugh and also got me thinking why doesn't our school promote talking about religious beliefs? I ask this because I thought the point of school was to learn and to ask questions about what we think and if this is true why should we be prohibited from asking about god or what others believe. Why shouldn't we get in debates about who is right and who is wrong on certain topics. I learned from Mike Messerli that to learn you must first ask a question. But then I said wait a second I remember why we can't do that at school. Because school is no longer about learning through asking questions its about getting barked at. While having things repeated to you over and over again until its so ingrained in your brain you no longer feel like you should ask a question you should just sit and listen...

This is my 2 cents